When You're Stretched Too Thin
Recently I shared an article on social media about the exhaustion of being the “Primary Parent.” That parent on those school or camp or dance or doctor’s forms (ALL THOSE NEVER ENDING FORMS). Those forms where my name goes in this space:CONTACT #1. MOTHER.
The weight of it is real. It’s only a couple months into the school year, but life moves fast, and we're heading into full-on holiday season. And the reality is, so many of us “primary parents” are already stretched thin. To be clear: I have a great life. I am amazed at what I get to do. I’m so grateful I get to parent a great kid, lead an incredible organization, and be married to an amazing guy who does SO MUCH - but life as a mom-wife-daughter-friend-business owner is a lot, friend. Too much, sometimes. A good life doesn't mean an easy life, am I right?
When I posted the "Primary Parent" article, comments started popping up almost immediately. I wasn’t the only one who felt like I could have written it myself. Friends commented that they were there, too. One family member said she wished she just had one more clone of her, because she's so stretched. It’s an interesting season, this season of life. It’s good, and I wouldn’t trade my kiddo for the world, but it’s exhausting too. It’s a season where it is far too easy to feel stretched too thin.
Honestly, 2018 – 2019 have been years of being stretched and pulled and by the end of this summer and all the summer camps and filling in gaps and trying to keep up with work, I was worn out. Done. Between work, concussion recovery, relational situations, and a really intensive parenting stretch, my tank had been running on empty for a few hundred (thousand) kilometres.
Sometimes, circumstances mean that, in seasons, we’ll be stretched beyond our limits. That's life. But, it can’t last that way for too long. The danger, for me, is making it a pattern of behaviour, rather than a season. Forgetting that I’m created for an abundant life - not an overwhelming one. Ignoring my empty tank, and daring my body to break down.A conversation with a good friend helped me see some shifts to make. I talked to my doctor about exhaustion. I’m trying to take more walks. I'm using my beautiful craft studio that my beloved set up. I stopped researching speech therapy techniques and ADHD IEP’s, and started watching YouTube videos that inspire my creativity. Asked more for help, without being resentful of my “primary parent” role. I engaged a coach to help me think through this season of life, and she challenged me to identify things and people that bring energy to me, not just things or people I pour out energy to (which is especially hard.)I’m still doing these things. My empty tank is a quarter-full tank now, and looking like a fill-up is possible. And I’m feeling more human. More like myself and less stretched thin. More like I'm living in abundance, instead of overwhelm. I'm looking ahead to the Christmas season with more joy.I’m listening to other, more veteran, mothers too. Telling me not to try to do it all (something we all know, but it's hard to discern in the moment.) Helping me say "no" to good things that just don't fit in this season. And, as a full-time working-outside-the-home-in-a-pretty-demanding-job Mom, I’m huge on trying to outsource the parts of my life that I can. Sometimes I can’t see the “outsourceable” pieces or the appointments that really can be postponed or cancelled and it’s good to have (kind) perspective on my life from others. Because, women in my stage of life still need Mamas. Maybe we need them more than ever. We need Mamas who love us. Who nurture us. Who support us. Mamas who help us learn what to say yes to, and what to say no to.
And the temptation, since I’m feeling a little more whole, is to say yes a whole lot more. But one friend – who has volunteered to be one of my “Mama” voices – told me to say "not now". She gave me permission to not be all the things, to all the people who want them, and it was a gift. If you're no longer in this stretched thin season, reach out to one of those "Primary Parents." They need a Mama too.And friend? If you’re stretched too thin, I want to thank you for just showing up here. Your time is precious. Let’s help fill each other’s tanks, okay? xo
Book Giveaway!
Stretched Too Thin - Jessica N. Turner
I have a gift for two of you mamas who feel stretched thin in this season. Jessica Turner’s book Stretched Too Thin: How Working Moms Can Lose the Guilt, Work Smarter, and Thrive. It’s a super-practical, new book that will validate your struggle, and help you find ways to live beyond it.Want a copy? Enter by commenting below and telling me one way that you’re filling your empty tank these days.*This contest is now closed. Thank you for participating!