On Identity
When we welcomed our daughter home 6 years ago, my identity changed in ways I didn’t even realize. We walked into a room and they called me mom, for the very first time, without a nine-month maternity lead-up, and I got a new name. Adoption is a weird thing – you become an instant parent, and it can feel like pretending at first. I’m still figuring out who I am now. I know for sure that I’m mom. I’m wife. (That one comes instantly and a little weirdly too, doesn’t it?) I’m boss. I’m someone in relation to other people, essentially. In relation to my function – or, what I can do for people. By default, I’ve allowed others to define me, and it can be exhausting.
Even as I write this, I realize how hollow it feels. An ache. Like I’ve forgotten who I actually am, who I knew I was before another person told me I had a new name. Don’t get me wrong – I love being those things. I don’t want to give them up. It’s just that they’re not enough. We think that marriage, or parenthood, or the right job will fulfill us, and they just don’t.It shouldn’t be as hard for me, I guess. I wasn’t a wife until I had 31 years to figure out my identity. And Mom didn’t become my name until I was 36. I'd had lots of time - and incredible opportunity - to know how my Creator defined me. I’d studied identity, read Ephesians over and over, and memorized Neil T. Anderson’s “Who I Am In Christ” list, breathing life from it.
Our memories are short though, it seems. Daily, I need reminding where I hid things to keep them safe (hello, mid-life) – including my real identity. What really defines me.It was highlighted recently, when I told my family we each needed to choose something fun to do before the summer was up. (Bright idea, right?) My sweet girl came up with something quickly (playing with her cousins), and it was easy to choose one for the hubster (time on his Harley is an easy win – but has not happened much this summer, because he's incredible, and has been spending almost every extra hour doing renovations at our office.) When we needed to pick something for me – I drew a total blank. No ideas. My family had no ideas. The only idea we came up with was something in which I’d actually be supporting my family to have fun. (Wah – wah. Super sad trombone noise should play here.) This should not be what defines mom-life.
Now, I’m not a person who isn’t passionate about a whole bunch of things, and if you’ve not caught on. When I’m in, I’m IN. I love my work. I just bought a bushel of cucumbers to turn into 35 jars of dill pickles tonight. This weekend, I’ll be canning peaches so that our girl has her favourite school lunch snack. I’ve got every craft and art supply I could need to be creative for a good 6 month sabbatical. I love a great, brisk walk and talk with a friend. Tea & a binge-watch of British Jane Austen films is my jam. I can feed people well, whether in words or in actual food.
But life, in this season, feels cluttered. Easy to forget where I put things. Easy to forget my real self. Juggling the rest of life with parenting a kiddo with extra needs leaves me tired, and sometimes defeated, because progress can feel so deadly slow. It’s full of people’s opinions on what I should do, what I’m doing wrong, or what my kid should do. It’s also full of incredible love and overwhelming joy at our successes. But it’s full. Really full. With the good things, the hard things, and the necessary things. And that can leave me with little capacity for remembering that I am more than this moment.
So, I need to remember who I really am. Beyond my functions. Beyond how others see me. I need to remember my own adoption day. The day God called me His own. The day He became my Father, and I gained a new identity, that was who I really am. He was always my Father, even before I knew my identity as Daughter of the King. I need to remember what really defines me.
I need to remember:
I am loved.
I am set free.
I am blessed.
I am forgiven.
I have been given gifts to use to demonstrate how good, wonderful, kind and creative my Father is.
I am adopted – and I am a chosen child of God.
When I write those things? The hollowness goes away, honestly. I can ask Him what creative thing I can do this summer to fill that bucket. I can ask Him to make room for me. I can ask Him to fight this battle to clear the clutter of life, so that I can see clearly who I am – reflected in His heart.I am who I am, because He is good. Funny enough, I get to be who I am because of my relationship with Him, and my function in His family, and instead of taking from me, it gives life. It makes me brave – it makes me who I really am, fully alive.
Movie Ticket Giveaway!
Overcomer Contest
Anyone else need a reminder of who you really are? OVERCOMER – the new film from The Kendrick Brothers, featuring my favourite preacher, Priscilla Shirer – releases across Canada next Friday, August 23rd. You will leave inspired and reminded of what really defines you.
And…I’ve got two amazing OVERCOMER prize packs (including a T-Shirt, a copy of Defined by Alex Kendrick and Stephen Kendrick, and passes to see the film in theatres) to giveaway. The contest is open to Canadian residents only (excluding Quebec residents). Enter to win by clicking here. Two winners will be chosen at noon ET on Tuesday, August 20th, 2019 and posted here.
You can find out where the film is playing near you at www.faithfilms.ca.